Bullet points

I have gone from exhilarated to exhausted to proud & confident to knocked down and stressed in the last week. So, bullet points.

• Conference went well, I think. My talk was okay, my meetings went fairly well, I have data and things to be working on from now until forever.
• Fieldwork was amazing and wonderful and the only problem is that it had to stop. Okay, not really... but yes. Had some equipment issues, as expected with fieldwork, but no personnel problems, no weather issues, etc. I kind of want to go back, but I seriously don't have time.
  
• Went to a meeting with my advisor today and was told simultaneously that I have too much on my outline (but I need more data!) and that I should be working faster (but not too fast, don't rush on anything!). Ugh. So now I have more-than-weekly meetings for at least the next little while, before Advisor leaves for a few months (at least!), and I need to get my shit done beforehand.
  

I have a plan for getting out of here. I do. I know (sort of!) where I want to go after I graduate (or at least what kind of job I'm aiming for), and I think I have a fair amount of connections and recommendations... hopefully enough to get me there. What isn't helpful is when the person who is supposed to be supporting me is changing their mind CONSTANTLY. I have a committee meeting next month that I need to have a plan for, and hopefully Advisor and I can be on the same page before then. I hope.

For now, though... Fieldwork really was fun. One of the better pictures:

best laid plans

My summer plans all just got tossed, really. I sent my CV out to a couple of people in order to volunteer on some fieldwork for experience, and lo and behold, I'm going away for three weeks next month. Immediately after I get back from a conference. Eep!

I'm not ready for the conference yet, but I have time to prepare and practice my talk. Slides are done and waiting for revisions from a sponsor, so I should be working on the written report to go with that. That was the plan for today, but instead I'm blogging on my fancy new lap desk that I bought so I wouldn't have to go into work and could instead spend the day in a nest of blankets and pillows on my couch. Oops?

Meeting with one of my committee members tomorrow to discuss switching tracks with my thesis... should be interesting, considering that I have no idea what I'm going to say yet. Ugh. Why do I feel like I'm floundering and everyone else is just smiling and nodding at me???? I need HELP, but this is something I have to figure out myself. I hate that feeling. Advisor and I did talk, though, and she gave me a bit of a pep talk, which was encouraging. And then she went and did something that pretty much ruined it, but I'm not at liberty to talk about that yet. Oh well.

Alright. I suppose I should get to work, if only to have less to do tomorrow and for the rest of the week. Bugger.

Another "oops" post

I have been feeling guilty about not updating for months. Oops. My only excuse is that I have been busy with work and trying not to fall into a depression that I can feel hovering just behind me.

So, quick recap: My mentor is recovering as well as can be expected, and is at home now. Really hoping that he'll be able to come back to the work if he wants to, but if he doesn't, it will be enough that he can talk to his daughter and not have to use a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

Some aspects of my work are going pretty well, others not so much. Working on a plan to switch tracks if necessary. Advisor seems to think I can defend next summer, but when I think about that I tend to veer off into hysterical laughter and panic attacks. So maybe that's normal and I will defend... we'll see. (On a side note... my unofficial master's project (read: my RA work that will result in 2 papers that have nothing to do with my dissertation) is going okay - one paper resubmitted this week, and another will be done by August. Yay!)

Last week was interesting... I had to tell Advisor that I thought I broke a rather expensive piece of equipment - but after going through the data yesterday, it looks like it had the issue I thought I had caused before my "OH SHIT" moment. So that's good. Now we just have to see if it's a real problem and how to fix it. Anyone else dealt with something like this?

Labmates are okay - the problem child (PC) appears to be enjoying her new job and will graduate this summer with an engineering degree rather than an MS, fieldwork is progressing for two and thesis writing for one. I am horrendously jealous of all three, but that's my issue and not theirs. I've also realized that I apparently automatically designate someone as the thorn in my side, because as soon as PC was gone, one of the others started bugging me. There are a lot of reasons I could point to, but I think the biggest one is that I need someone to be cranky about. Stress relief, maybe? Not sure, but it needs to change.

I have two conferences planned this year, as well as some potential fieldwork (Advisor's cruise (cancelled due to national budget SNAFU), Advisor's land-based work (hired other field assistant), and... dissertation research (doh!)). Also planning a couple of trips to see family and such. Hopefully will be more regular with posts, but we'll see.

That holiday time

So, Thanksgiving happened. I'm a bit confused, because I feel like we should still be in June sometime, rather than almost December....

Had a good holiday - enjoyed being back in my apartment with no horrendously close deadlines and no imminent travel, as I'd spent the last month away from home or with guests and big grant deadlines immediately after I got back. I do actually have things that need to be done this week, though, so I'm hoping for some productivity.

I almost feel like this time of year is a waste, as far as getting anything collaborative done. It's almost impossible to find everyone you need to talk to, and I'm personally so distracted by the holidays and getting to see my family (which I do once or twice a year, tops) that my productivity is pretty low anyways. Anyone have tips for actually being productive this time of year?

Catching up

Wow... it's been a while since I visited here. So, quick update.

~ Advisor and I got back from our field site a few weeks ago. The trip as a whole went pretty well, except for the whole data thing. Disappointing, to say the least. The critters were clearly there and ready to be studied and politics got in the way, again. Ugh. (As a side note, I'm beginning to think I'm cursed to never actually get data. A faculty member has told me that the universe is telling me I should do theory-based work, but what fun is that???)

Some of the critters from our trip (but not the ones we were studying)



~ My research is picking up, sort of. Lots of calls to potential collaborators, and it looks like two or three of them are actually willing to work with me. Hooray! I'm also taking a trip to my original field site next week, for one final (and I do mean final, because I'm pretty much at my breaking point with these people) meeting before tentatively collecting data the week after that.

~ My family (minus the sibling) is coming to visit me! They've only come to see me at this school once before, so we're going to take a few days this time and explore a bit more. It'll be pretty much perfect weather, too.

My lab is back to being busy and noisy again, because everyone is back from field seasons and thesis-writing seclusion. Makes it fun - lots of jabber and brainstorming and talking about science. I also have a new minion this semester, who seems bright and enthusiastic and responsible -- and she's mine, all mine. I get to train her and set her to work on the newest set of data I'm dealing with for Advisor. This semester is going well so far.

Finally! And... crap, that's this week!

Advisor and I are leaving for fieldwork on Wednesday. Like, the day after tomorrow. We fly to DC, then to a far away foreign country where I don't speak the language and we'll have no phone or internet for three weeks. I'm torn between excitement and dread. Hopefully there will be no drama related to last year's project cancellation or anything else. I just want to get through the airports smoothly, and then I'll deal with the rest as it comes. Advisor is all stressed out, too... at least we get to panic to each other, right??

Did some last minute errands and packed up equipment today. Last packing and weighing of the luggage tomorrow, and then we're out until October. Wish us luck!

On my lack of love for the piano, and the irresistable cuteness of blond toddlers

I don't mind classical music. In fact, when I'm in the right mood, it's wonderful. I played violin for 12 years, and really enjoy most of it. My one exception is the piano, which I would love to learn to play simply because I'm not sure I'm coordinated enough to get my extremities and eyes together to complete a song. For whatever reason, though, piano music does not generally excite me. I much prefer cello or a full orchestra.

Which makes it a wonderful coincidence that my new downstairs neighbor appears to have one hobby.... classical piano. Oi. And while he's very good, it's piano. And it's driving me nuts, because he appears to practice exclusively during the times I am trying to nap, or read, or blog, or generally enjoy some quiet downtime at home. Maybe this will change as the semester progresses and he gets a social life... but for now, I'm anticipating a forced lesson in how to appreciate the piano through my floor. Ew. (Or, I could take it as motivation to find more hobbies/spend more time in lab.... choices, choices...)

On a happier note, I went to visit some family last week and was greeted by these cuties and their parents.

Adorable, yes? They also helped me practice with my fancy schmancy camera, but I didn't come out with anything too spectacular.

(She knows she's cute, you can see it in her eyes. Both adorably cuddly, too.)

Fieldwork for Advisor's project (theoretically) starts in less than two weeks. HOLY CRAP. I need to pack and wrap up everything I'm doing for this month soon. Oi.

In keeping with the hotel theme...

I am at yet another hotel, near research site #1, for a meeting with collaborators and maybe (hopefully!) some preliminary data collection. Really, really wanting to get some data that I can start playing with, and approval to do some real work within the next month. I definitely feel more prepared than the last time I came here (though, that was coming off a conference in a foreign country two weeks previous, and the flu the morning of the meeting...), so hopefully things go well.

The short course/conference went well last month. The cranky-post was from the first day, and the week got much better as it went on. Made lots of contacts, had a good time with some old friends, and even learned a bit!

I have a post in progress (somewhere!) about my working style - if I ever remember it, I'll put it up. And maybe maybe next time I post, I'll have thesis progress! Woo!

First steps

Today I made progress.

That is what I want to be able to say every day for the rest of this summer (at least!). Yesterday I set goals for part of the summer, and today I took action on a task that has been sitting in my "procrastinate" box for at least a month. It feels so good to have it started. I just need to remember this feeling and keep doing things that get me here. And then I can ride the wave all the way in, right?

As I told Advisor yesterday, I'm making a deliberate attempt to be an optimist. Don't crush me! My normal cynicism aside, I'm typically pretty happy. But For the next month, I am going to be perpetually happy and looking for a silver lining. Like, when my labmate whines or insults me or goes googly eyed over some olympian that she doesn't have a chance with, I can go out for a walk with a friend and get a snack. Or when it freezes tonight - it's nice to have my plants inside to decorate my apartment. :)

So. Tomorrow, I will finish the task I started today, and cross at least two other things off my mini-goals list. (I have four major goals for each of May and June -- they're in baby steps, so I feel like I have a chance at getting them done, but still adequate to get me where I need to be at the end of the summer. The mini-goals list is lined out by specific tasks I have to do each week, and gets progressively more general out to about 1 year from now.)

Also - the fieldwork that got canceled last fall? On again for this year. YES. (Daily optimism: it will happen, and I will learn things that will benefit my career, if not my thesis. And it will be fun!)

I seem to be slowing down on my blogging - I suppose that's fitting, as just about everything else in my life has also slowed to the pace of molasses on a cold day, but it's frustrating. On both the life and blogging counts.

So. I have a conference next week, but after that (and possibly even during!), I resolve to get my lazy bum in gear and get working on my dissertation research and writing that paper that's been hanging over my head for years. Will do.

I am currently procrastinating on prepping for my talk next week (and my practice talk during lab meeting tomorrow)... It'll go fine, I'm just slightly more anxious than really necessary because 1) this is my first oral presentation at a meeting, and 2) I have no idea what the culture of this meeting is like, because I've never gone before. From all accounts, it's less formal and back-stabby than the October meeting, which is good.


Field work is now complete -- lots of good data, but short of the main goal again this year. Upsetting for my advisor, I'm sure. I personally think that new technology is going to be needed before we can get that data, because our lovely study species is doing a behavior that is just not working with the tech we have. So we'll see.

Random notes:
- People are confusing. And adorably sweet, but mostly confusing.
- Beets are kind of gross. Anyone have a recipe that can improve them?
- I love the weather. Especially as opposed to where my family is, which got several inches of snow yesterday. :)

And back

Back at school now, though the field season isn't over yet. Advisor and a bunch of other people are still out collecting data - they have some data points on species 1, and just last night got really excellent data on species 2. Go team!

I'm trying to get back into the swing of things now... I think I'll take today and try to catch up from home, and then go back into the lab and classes tomorrow. Have a conference coming up in a few weeks, as well, so I should be more than comfortably busy for a while.

Fieldwork

I've been out on fieldwork since Friday morning... I'm already exhausted. I think that it's mostly my body missing the nice easy routine that I'm used to doing on normal work days, but the sun and the salt (and the occasional rain/snow/sleet) probably amp it up a bit.

Finished goal one of the project this morning, so after the weather rolls through in the next couple of days, we should be good to get on with the rest of it. I love fieldwork.... as much as I might grumble about the hours and the work, I really truly love the people that we're working with and getting out on the water.

Good weather to all, and to all a good night!