Bullet points

I have gone from exhilarated to exhausted to proud & confident to knocked down and stressed in the last week. So, bullet points.

• Conference went well, I think. My talk was okay, my meetings went fairly well, I have data and things to be working on from now until forever.
• Fieldwork was amazing and wonderful and the only problem is that it had to stop. Okay, not really... but yes. Had some equipment issues, as expected with fieldwork, but no personnel problems, no weather issues, etc. I kind of want to go back, but I seriously don't have time.
  
• Went to a meeting with my advisor today and was told simultaneously that I have too much on my outline (but I need more data!) and that I should be working faster (but not too fast, don't rush on anything!). Ugh. So now I have more-than-weekly meetings for at least the next little while, before Advisor leaves for a few months (at least!), and I need to get my shit done beforehand.
  

I have a plan for getting out of here. I do. I know (sort of!) where I want to go after I graduate (or at least what kind of job I'm aiming for), and I think I have a fair amount of connections and recommendations... hopefully enough to get me there. What isn't helpful is when the person who is supposed to be supporting me is changing their mind CONSTANTLY. I have a committee meeting next month that I need to have a plan for, and hopefully Advisor and I can be on the same page before then. I hope.

For now, though... Fieldwork really was fun. One of the better pictures:

best laid plans

My summer plans all just got tossed, really. I sent my CV out to a couple of people in order to volunteer on some fieldwork for experience, and lo and behold, I'm going away for three weeks next month. Immediately after I get back from a conference. Eep!

I'm not ready for the conference yet, but I have time to prepare and practice my talk. Slides are done and waiting for revisions from a sponsor, so I should be working on the written report to go with that. That was the plan for today, but instead I'm blogging on my fancy new lap desk that I bought so I wouldn't have to go into work and could instead spend the day in a nest of blankets and pillows on my couch. Oops?

Meeting with one of my committee members tomorrow to discuss switching tracks with my thesis... should be interesting, considering that I have no idea what I'm going to say yet. Ugh. Why do I feel like I'm floundering and everyone else is just smiling and nodding at me???? I need HELP, but this is something I have to figure out myself. I hate that feeling. Advisor and I did talk, though, and she gave me a bit of a pep talk, which was encouraging. And then she went and did something that pretty much ruined it, but I'm not at liberty to talk about that yet. Oh well.

Alright. I suppose I should get to work, if only to have less to do tomorrow and for the rest of the week. Bugger.

Another "oops" post

I have been feeling guilty about not updating for months. Oops. My only excuse is that I have been busy with work and trying not to fall into a depression that I can feel hovering just behind me.

So, quick recap: My mentor is recovering as well as can be expected, and is at home now. Really hoping that he'll be able to come back to the work if he wants to, but if he doesn't, it will be enough that he can talk to his daughter and not have to use a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

Some aspects of my work are going pretty well, others not so much. Working on a plan to switch tracks if necessary. Advisor seems to think I can defend next summer, but when I think about that I tend to veer off into hysterical laughter and panic attacks. So maybe that's normal and I will defend... we'll see. (On a side note... my unofficial master's project (read: my RA work that will result in 2 papers that have nothing to do with my dissertation) is going okay - one paper resubmitted this week, and another will be done by August. Yay!)

Last week was interesting... I had to tell Advisor that I thought I broke a rather expensive piece of equipment - but after going through the data yesterday, it looks like it had the issue I thought I had caused before my "OH SHIT" moment. So that's good. Now we just have to see if it's a real problem and how to fix it. Anyone else dealt with something like this?

Labmates are okay - the problem child (PC) appears to be enjoying her new job and will graduate this summer with an engineering degree rather than an MS, fieldwork is progressing for two and thesis writing for one. I am horrendously jealous of all three, but that's my issue and not theirs. I've also realized that I apparently automatically designate someone as the thorn in my side, because as soon as PC was gone, one of the others started bugging me. There are a lot of reasons I could point to, but I think the biggest one is that I need someone to be cranky about. Stress relief, maybe? Not sure, but it needs to change.

I have two conferences planned this year, as well as some potential fieldwork (Advisor's cruise (cancelled due to national budget SNAFU), Advisor's land-based work (hired other field assistant), and... dissertation research (doh!)). Also planning a couple of trips to see family and such. Hopefully will be more regular with posts, but we'll see.

In shock

I will have a longer post about this later, but I found out a few days ago that a (young) former mentor of mine has had a stroke, and is going to need months or years of rehab and physical therapy. It's really just hitting me now, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.